Appreciate the ability to participate

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with self-confidence. There are times when it’s more of a burden and it’s been something I’ve come face to face with again this week. Frustrated with this weakness, I chose to analyze myself in order to find a solution. Having been a psychology major for a year in college, I find studying behaviors somewhat interesting. But it’s really just a process of recording my thoughts and feelings to try and make sense of them.

My Myers-Briggs personality type is ISFJ. One of the characteristics I have lived with is being timid or shy my whole life. While I’ve improved socially since kindergarten, I still find myself in situations where I’d rather someone else do the talking. But aside from that, I wonder if this is where the roots of my lack of self-confidence or timidness resides. Jon and I were discussing this briefly in the car on the way to Napa Auto Parts today. Being timid is being afraid of social rejection. So, in a manner of speaking, I’ve been struggling with fear. Ironically, we received a free book in the mail today titled, “Imagine Your Life Without Fear” by Max Lucado. Interesting timing. I’ve never read the book, but it’s now sitting on my coffee table, so I may pick it up and scan the pages.

Having been a member for Facebook for quite some time now, I have a collection of friends from all chapters of my life. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I occasionally find myself scanning their photos or reading their profile information and feeling envious of the life they lead: “If only I were that pretty,” “They’re really good at photography,” “I’ll bet they go camping all the time, I wish I were that active.” “She can run a marathon! I wish I was in good physical condition.”

What is holding me back from achieving my goals? I’ve concluded it’s the lack of self-confidence. It’s not that I can’t accomplish them. It’s my fear of not being as good as others and humiliating myself. “Why try if someone else can do it better?” I think to myself. I am my own worst critic.

I had a profound thought this morning, though. I shouldn’t go through life wishing to be the best at everything. I should go through life and appreciate the ability to participate.

It’s too bad that my human nature is to compare myself to others. I’d like to work on being Lindsay and not someone else.

I asked Jon a question about confident women this morning. From a male perspective, he confirmed confidence IS an attractive feature in a woman. It’s more challenging to enjoy a relationship or a friendship with someone who is always afraid, always putting themselves down, never happy. When I think about it, confident people are the ones who draw my attention in the first place, not un-confident ones. They have more fun in life.

So, I want to be a confident woman. This means I need to get past the fear of people judging me. I need to be comfortable with my quirks and just enjoy life. I still want to strive to reach new goals, but I don’t want to beat myself up if I’m not perfect along the way. Like the song I’ve heard on the radio, “It’s the climb…” ..and it’s going to be a steep journey. Pray for me!